To the unknown, but known !

Dear Unknown but known ,

I won’t start the letter by asking who you are? Because I already feel I know who you are, even though I have never set my eyes on you and never spoken to you. If I say I don’t know who you are, it almost means I don’t know who I am. I do know me and my choices.

But  I do want to know, when you will get here, because it’s not fun going out to meet people hoping it’s you and then finding it is not. Not everyone can be YOU, but people around me don’t get that.  Knowing to some extent, how you will turn out to be has given me many titles - “Choosy”, “Immature”, and “Inflexible”. I wonder, since when did knowing exactly what you want make you immature and choosy?? Knowing what you want has become scarier than not knowing what you want.

 I wonder why society wants to beat down a person to not believe in something, they have absolute faith in? Is it because, they were never given a choice to follow their dreams? Or is it because they do not want others to fight the fear which they were unable to and eventually succumb to fate just like them? Why do people think its humbug to give themselves a chance to find that one person out of the 7.5 Billion population with amazing compatibility but on the other hand, feel it is a brilliant idea to forcefully change their personality to suit the person who fate bought in?

I don’t expect you to be perfect, I don’t expect a 100% on every point on my wish list. No one is perfect and you must know, perfection kind of irritates me. Beneath every perfect person, there is a little bit of artificiality, a feeling of forceful self-restraint, lack of ability to let their hair down and just have fun, a constant desire to impress people.  It basically means there is no scope for variety in life, no chances of learning from mistake, no mad dog fights, zero tolerance to changes. Lack of these things makes life dull and boring. I like imperfections, as it makes us who we are and there is no sweeter joy than being accepted for whom you are. Having said this, imperfections are not easy to deal with. I will learn to live with yours, just like how you would tolerate mine.

I think I will know you, when I see you. It might not be love at first sight, but I will know. For the many dupes of YOU, who I have met, I have gone on talking as if there would be no tomorrow, only to fill in the weird silence. But when I meet you, I would be stumped into silence and it would be the kind of silence that is comfortable. There would be butterflies; there would be sudden influx of excitement, I would be tongue tied (which is unlike me) and would end up listening more than speaking (extremely unlike me).But this is exactly how I think things would turn up when I meet the “REAL YOU”.      

I hope you are prepared, for I will push you hard with unconventional details of me ( Yes, I like my beer once in a while, I have more men friends than women, I don’t think sharing household work will make you any less of a guy, I don’t believe doing heavy dead-lifts and push-ups will make me any less of a women and might challenge you sometime, I won’t go around dressing myself in  pink and I don’t definitely think it’s cute,  I don’t think freedom can be given, if you ever say to me “ you have the freedom to …. That will probably be the last sentence you spoke to me) only to see how far you go and how much you are willing to fight back and stay.

Don’t let me come and find you, because as luck would have it, I have seen it to only push you further away and have made me question my own conviction of your existence. Come and find me, I promise it will be worth the effort.

I know you are not just a figment of my imagination; well you are that, but you are also the complete manifestation of my faith and hopes that I have on myself. Give me a chance to prove everyone wrong, more importantly to myself because am close to giving up sometimes. I promise you, am not far away, all you have to do is have faith, open your heart and look, and you will find me right around the corner. 

Yours , 

Girl around the corner

[P.S: This post is written for "Write a love letter" campaign  by Chennai Bloggers Club www.chennaibloggersclub.in]

Date the guy who loves music !!

Date a guy who loves music. The kind who understands when you say “Music is the best thing, that happened to me in life” and does not give you a weird once over. Date a guy who loves music, because he understands your obsession to loop a song and puts up until the phase is over. He is the guy who knows, a single line; a sing phrase can make you fall in love with a song and won’t judge you.

He is the guy who understands that you get goosebumps and all teary eyed just after listening to your favorite number.

Find the guy, who understands that sharing music brings joy to you and religiously listens to the ones that you suggest. He is the guy who exactly knows the kind of music you love, and takes all the effort to make sure you listen to the right ones. Be with the guy who understands that sometimes you completely loathe your playlist and willingly offers his Ipod with brand new rejuvenating numbers.

Date the guy, who knows to leave you all alone, when you are in serenity and completely lost in the waves of blissful melody. He is the guy who knows that music can nurse your wounded heart and also put you on a happy high.

Date the guy, who knows that music always puts you in a better mood and attempts to sing your favorite number in the most hideous manner just to make you laugh and makeup the fight.

Find the guy who knows that one of the best ways to wake you up is with music and plugs in the ipod to gently stir you out of your slumber.  He is the guy who loves to sit in complete darkness and listen to music in silence but together.  He is the guy who gets equally drunk in the high and low notes of a song and has a hard time getting a song out of his head.

Find the guy, who patiently helps you to find the first line of the song that you have seemed to have forgotten but can’t help humming all day long. He is the guy, who understands your frustration when you sometimes can’t seem to outline or give a form to the song which has been running constantly in your head and has come very close to your throat but never beyond that !

Marry the guy, who knows that life would be a mistake without YOU and MUSIC in it !! 

Post courtesy: Chandrasekar - You inspire me to write.. Thank you :) 

Serenity

This post is part of The Chennai Bloggers Club's Serene Sunday series initiated to keep the spirit of blogging alive and challenging.

 I sat with my eyes closed , In front of the vast never ending mass of blue and green sea listening to the track - “Padmavathi” from the album – “Into the light”. I could mentally see the rhythmic movement of the waves. I could feel being swept away by high/low notes and visualize myself floating in the sea with extreme ease and tranquility .I went with the flow, never wanting the ride to end. There were moments of dull notes which lasted only for couple of seconds and were soon replaced by high energetic notes. Just like how life has unpredictable things thrown at you, this song had mixed varieties of feel put together. Mind went through a zillion emotions, which is extremely difficult to decipher. The chillness in the air with the little dew drops of rain made the whole 6.18 minutes of the journey blissful. The song ended and I opened my eyes, a wave of calmness gulf-ed me. I found myself back on land firmly grounded, slightly spent from exertion of going through many emotions and wanting to return back to the sojourn of heaven! 

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/24473721/Padmavathi.mp3 

P.S: I strongly recommend listening to the track in the above mentioned link to relate better with the article :) 

 

The Light beyond the Darkness

Sitting in the freezing cold balcony, I stared into the dark night sky which was filled by bright little stars forming a beautiful pattern.  I wondered what could possibly lie beyond.  Is there another universe? Are there any signs of existence of life? Where does the sky end or if it has an ending at all. The fact that I did not know the answers to so many questions made me feel uneasy and unhappy. Maybe that’s the kind of feeling experienced by freaks (like me) who cannot stand uncertainties in life! I suddenly wanted the dawn to come sooner so that I can see better and try to figure things out. I knew that no amount of staring at the skies would make me know the mysteries that lay behind, nevertheless I continued. After a little while, I decided to give up the stupidity and walked back into the living room before I froze to death.

That’s when it struck me that there are a lot of things in life that one theoretically understands the impracticality of it happening but fails to believe the same. Trying to foresee life is one such thing .One needs to wait it out. One needs to understand that the universe works in its own pace and delivers things to you only when the time is right. No matter how adamant, angry, desperate you get, preceding events of your life is closed with a dark colored blanket just like the night sky and as time goes by you would get just enough light to lead the way and go in the right direction so that you ultimately witness the shinning sun in all its glory!  

Happiness as we know it

I drove my old battered scooty pep way back home, after one of those days, you know for sure could have not ended better. With music playing in my ipod, I could feel the rush in my head as I thought about the resignation letter which I handed over earlier that day, the offer letter which I had received from a good company a few days ago, the new vehicle which I had booked with my very own money. Life had the best things to offer me at that very moment. Just the thought of not having to work at that lousy office anymore made me squeal in happiness and I had a smile to offer to everyone.

Suddenly the world seemed to be a better place to live in. Rash drivers and careless pedestrians were blessed not to hear my curse as they were taken in a stride. As I made my way towards nungambakkam , traffic was lighter than usual. At the signal, I stopped the bike and changed the song to a peppy upbeat number to suit my mood.

I noticed a small little girl about the age of 5 begging on the road beside the pavement along with her brother, who looked like he was 8. The kid was so was about 2 feet tall and had to hold her brothers hand for support to climb the pavement. My heart instantly went out for the small kid. There was something so cute about her that I could not tear my eyes away. The two kids approached the auto which was beside me and the driver decided to play God that day and harshly turned them away ,not before giving the boy a tight slap and sharing his words of wisdom “ Go and earn , stop begging”. Instantly I imagined slapping that guy and saying “Stop stealing people’s money in the name of petrol hike and pls oh pls stop acting like a smartass”.

All of a sudden the little girl locked eyes with me and gave me a charming smile. I knew I would be their next target. The autowala seeing this, resumed his God’s role and said to me “Don’t encourage these kids; they have to earn for their living”. While I mentally radioed him back by saying, “F*&%^ these kids are 5 and 8, what bloody earn?”

As they approached, I took my purse out, handed a few coins to the girl and touched her cheek. She closed her eyes, pressed the coins against her cheeks, felt the coolness against her skin and smiled.
The joy which was seen in her face is unexplainable. Her proud brother gave her a tight hug and took the money from her and carefully pocketed it and gave her a coin to play with.

The signal turned green and vehicles started moving, the small boy again held the girl’s hand, crossed the road and moved away.
As I sped away seeing their little figures disappear in distance, all I could think of was “how happiness defines itself to each one of us in different ways”!!

If Only ...

How I wish I was back in my mom’s arm, cuddled, kissed, pampered, and fed, while I enjoyed the peace and tranquility of the world. It’s hard to believe I lived in a world where I was not questioned for my silliness, where no one expected me to take responsibility for the things I did, where I could make all the mistakes in the world and still make up for it with an innocent sweet smile and a wet kiss, where I can eat all the candies I want and not bother about putting on weight, scream, shout, dance whenever and wherever I like, without having the slightest thought of being judged.

How I wish I was back to the age when top priority of the day was to win in the board game called “LIFE”. It was a time when a silly fight with best friend meant end of the world, a trip to beach coupled with a ice cream treat was considered “lucky” , holidays granted on account of heavy rain meant shedding uniforms in a jiff and rushing back to bed , sickness meant highest possible level of pampering and bowls of hot soup ,fighting with siblings meant bravery, mild tiff with parents meant loads of hugs and kisses later, family functions meant turning the home upside down, getting reports cards signed meant worst few minutes of life, visiting relatives place for a vacation meant luxury, relatives visiting us meant best dress, best behavior, and best kid ever kind of act, diwali’s meant tuff competition between neighbors as to who would first burst the crackers, a trip to super market meant loading the trolley with chocolates and all goodies, apology meant saying “sorry” in a sing song tone while having the expression of cutest puppy ever alive, fast bike drives with big brothers meant 2 hours of bragging session the next day at school, annul day functions meant cutting a lot of classes in the name of “practice” ,parents teachers day meant sleepless night the day before, reading comics meant losing one self so much in the story that one does not keep count of the no of cups of snacks eaten during the process.

How I wish I was back to the age where pain of any sort lasted only for couple of hours, when words like “dishonesty, cheating,” never existed in dictionary but just in games, when everybody and everything was lovely, fair and good.
If ever my wish was granted and am taken back to that age, I shall gladly start over, not bothering about having to go through all the pain of growing up again, for every moment is worth the deal.

Unsaid Love

Naveen tried to concentrate on packing... His mind kept drifting back to the one single thing, that has been possessing him for the past 1 year. The single factor which was now forcing him to leave the county. Scenes kept playing at the back of his mind, as if the replay button was involuntarily switched on… he gave up, and sat on the bed covering his face …the current scene was their first time meeting ,she was looking nothing less of an angel … In a black salwar ,paired up with cute silver kundan ear rings, she was a treat to eyes ! Very elegant and yet so traditional .what actually caught his attention were the almond shaped eyes sparkling with fun and mischief! How he wished, he had seen this little angel years back! While he was still wishing, she approached him and asked softly, “can you please tell me which way is the canteen”? The rest of the incidents as to how they became best friends were a blur...or one can call it a blissful blur!

After exactly 10 months, he saw the same beautiful eyes filled confusion, pain, fear, and uncertainty when he proposed to her. naveen was so sure and confident that he would go back home as a happy man winning a definite yes from his beloved laskhya .Till today he did not know the reason as to why she politely denied the proposal (with tears in her eyes ). He could not imagine life without her , as she was everything he wanted, gregarious , fun loving , social, cutely irritating ,extremely caring, flatteringly independent, sensible yet childish . How could he lose her, when he knew he was meant to spent the rest of his life with her and no one else can keep her as happy as he can ?He kept wondering what went wrong and where ?

From the very next day onwards, he could see her totally unhappy, as though something heavy had been placed in her heart. Naveen felt so guilty about making her feel this way , that he decided in a span of 2 months to accept a On- sight offer which was already 6 months due for his acceptance .
This was the toughest decision he had made so far and he knew that execution was going to be even more difficult. But he knew, he had to do it. He could not bear to eye her guilt filled eyes every time they met.

He hoped to see her at least one last time before he left to the US, but she had not even attended the bon voyage party that his friends threw him.
As these thoughts were still gulping him in waves of sorrow, when naveen’s mother entered his room and informed him to be ready within an hour as the cab would arrive on time. On seeing him so grief stricken, she asked lovingly if everything was alright, he could only nod in reply!

He knew very little time was left, for his life to completely turnaround .As minutes tricked by , all kinds of weird images crossed his mind… laskhya getting married to someone else, she having a baby and naming the baby after him, it was truly unbearable for him and he felt like screaming at the top of his lungs.

He mustered all the strength not to cry, and finished his packing and headed to airport.

Trolleys were loaded, hugs were exchanged, sweet advises were given, flight announcements were made, the only thing he had to do was LEAVE. When he was just about to wheel away his trolley towards the departure lounge, he felt as though he saw her at a distance. He was sure he had imagined it and turned to give his mother one last hug.. When he turned back to his trolley, he could very well see her right before his eyes… he kept staring a whole min, wondering if he was imagining things or if she was actually there! He feared clarifying his doubt to people around, for they might say it was his IMAGINATION! He kept standing there, as the figure moved closer to him, all he could see at this point of time was only her eye that was filled with love, affection, and fear. He desperately hoped this was all true and not illusion, for he knew he was very capable of going lunatic at that point of time .No words were spoken. The air was still, everything became silent around him. He could only see her eyes moving closer and closer in his direction. After what seemed like an hour, he opened his arms wide and like a reflex action, she ran into his arms and buried her face in his neck and tightly held him, as if never wanting to leave him again! He gently stoked her hair, there was still silence around him and all he could hear was her sobbing quietly and saying sorry over and above again! He felt like every little thing was back in its place. Now the scenes in his mind showed a completely different picture of them getting married and living happily ever after!

Eyes that lie !

As i looked around , the place looked familiar , but lifeless and dull.. isn’t this the place i have come looking for you a zillion times, to find you sitting with a bunch of friends, pretending to be busy , but actually waiting for my arrival. isn’t this the place where you and i sat distance apart , but closer at heart ! Stealing glances when no one else looked was a fun game to you and me !when we met after a week of not seeing each other, your eyes spoke more than what you might have ever imagined to convey through words…did your eyes betray me or you? the warmth of your fingers against my hand told me , how much you had missed me ..how something that was so compassionate ,so true ..became nothing at all ,in a matter of few months? did you not hear my heart screaming out to you , asking you to come and talk to me , at least once last time on the FINAL day , to soothe my aching heart ! Our telepathy miserably failed to turn on that day! you reacted as if we had seen each other the first time, and had a blank expression on your face. when the thought that this would be the last time i would see you ,my heart beat so fast , just like the time ,my eyes first saw you ! i turned away insanely making up my mind that , it was the evil twin brother i had seen today and that MY DREAM ANGEL , had actually soared high into the sky leaving me all alone ! not wanting to look back, i walked with dignity and poise,as nothing had actually happened, but my sight becoming all blurry! later when sanity returned back and realizations happened, i understood that if EYES can lie , who else cant !

Fantasy Vs Reality !

I closed my eyes tightly, after a few seconds, I opened it..Nothing happened…! I tried it again a few times… the magic failed to work. I knew it was not a dream to dissolve in few seconds, but I desperately prayed it was one…And that, I would wake up with a terrible headache and then later go to college and complain about the dream and forget it then and there. If it were a dream, I would hope never to remember it the next day ….but NO..Its REALITY. If I wanted it to be a dream, then I should travel back 2 years in time. I wonder out loudly, “they say anything is possible these days, then why the hell ,time travelling machine is yet to be invented?? ”. I soon start cursing all the people involved in science and their lack of interest in doing great things. Suddenly my thoughts jumped and I start dreaming about what all things I would have prevented from happening, and other things I would have preferred to happen, if I had a choice. After what seemed like an hour, I was shook hardly by my friend, who thought I had gone lunatic, as she had found me sitting in the same place for an hour and looking at the wall and smiling all along. It was as though I had been to see a movie (which I had written, directed, acted, edited) which had totally engrossed me and did not want to move from the seat, long after it ended. But I know, I must move on. There is a force that makes me take things in a stride and a force which makes me stand still , not letting me disturb the air around! The worst part arrives when one is being pulled in different directions, and the person wishes ,he/she has extra pairs of hands/legs, to run in all the desired ways(even if it’s for just the heck of it) !

I would have loved to be anyone else at that moment, I mean LITERALLY anyone! I often feel not dealing with a situation, is the best way to DEAL with it. But the sensible person who used to exist inside me, (who now rarely peeps out) asked me boldly, ” REALLY? YOU MEAN FOR ALL THE SITUATIONS? IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE ALREADY DEALT WITH IT IN THE BEST WAY, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY BY NOW, BUT WHY THE HELL ARE YOU UNHAPPY?!” .I cursed once again, why consciousness puts forth such thought provoking questions at all the wrong times and only when I have just made the decision to not deal with things!

Though I argued that fantasy can improve my imagination skills and it’s good for the active working of my brain and does not involve lousy emotional feelings, it all proved to be fatal! After a lot of arguments and useless question – answer sessions, I agreed to the dominating devil inside me, that I know I must live in reality and not in fantasy.

Once the confessions were done and over, I now thought of the dominating devil as a friend, and intended to prolong the conversation and asked , “well, now tell me how do I deal with it?” … there was no reply … I repeated my question… still nothing… I knocked my insides…. Twice… all I could hear was just a hollow sound!

Friends For Life !

I never thought the time would come for me to say bye to my family and friends,but alas it has.. so i guess the decent thing to do is to take the news fairly in a nice manner and move on... at this moment i would like write about this special,wonderful and equally painful friend of mine without whom my life would have never been the same...thats DJ (she feels being called so,is coool...lol )..

hey DJ the stuff below is purely emotional, so be ready with your tissues before you read.....okkkkk... here we go ;)

I first met you in my neighbor's place, you posed yourself as a calm,composed,shy girl...i swear you were all those things initially ...but once i got close to you things were different... i understood you had the capacity to scare others to death with your immensely loud laugh or your exceptionally large white eye balls..lol..

We have always been partners in trying something new...be it dance,music or math class..we stayed long enough to understand the simple fact that we were "JACK OF ALL TRADES BUT MASTER IN NONE"...;) but the fun we had is something unforgettable..

There was a small gap of about 2 years in between,during which we had no clue about what the other one was doing..it was partly my fault and i know you were pretty pissed off with me.. i am soooooooooo sorry for whatever happened..i was totally in some other world wherein i did not know how to make you participate..

And again when we got back together in 9th on the so called "pretext of studying ",things were back to normal...i am so glad we were given a second opportunity to grow the bond of friendship and be for each other..

As things got moving, we were blessed to see the worst side of each other which made us grow closer and not a inch apart, as it usually happens in other cases.. you were there for me in the worst of the worst situations and also in the few most beautiful moments of my life..for which i cant thank you enough...

I can never forget the innumerable sleepovers we had at each others place..seeing endless romantic comedy movies,and eating what we could lay our hands on and screeching and screaming for no reason and making unrealistic plans like waking up early in the morning and going for a walk,the "lets talk about feelings" sessions,the vigorous walks in the boat club road while bitching and cursing about each and everything in life,the countless photo sessions,the nice masala tea we used to have at midnight in between the movies,the almost successful shopping trips,the bear hugs and sweet butterfly kisses,the fierce shuttle cork games,are all few things which i can never experience with anybody else.. rather i don't want to..

I always loved fighting with you..not because i hate you..but because i love making up and almost forgetting the fact that we just fought like crazy animals ;) These stuffs always gives you a feeling that someone loves you in spite of your dents..

I am usually not the type who expresses things emotionally unless and until wanted but i decided to write this today because i know if things are not said now, who knows probably i would never get a chance to say it again..

I have no clue how i am going to manage living through a day without your constant "baby boo whats up", "darling ass","dum ass,piggy gal" messages,or looking at the clock at sharp 7 and thinking what the hell is she doing without coming home??or without seeing your blushing face that always carries a wide scary smile...

I guess the separation is a tricky stuff to test the strength of our friendship... i am sure we both will pass without the slightest iota of doubt..

On a final note..hmmmmm hmmmmmm hmmmmmm.. what do i sayyyyyyyyy ????????? nothing other than LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH (doesn't say everything ) ;)

Screw the Bloddy Male Chauvinist Pigs...

The below content is purely a narration of an incident and is not written to offend any gender and kindly excuse my language.....

It was one of the worst days of my life so far.. the day started fairly well.. i had gone out to finish some work with my friend and was returning home after a visit to the plant nursery and getting one of those beautiful samanthi plant.. i was driving at a reasonable speed.. when i had to take a right to enter into my flat.. i slowed down my speed to 5 km ... and just when i was making a half U turn.. i saw at a distance of about 5 m, a bastard coming in the opposite side at 45 km speed ...i instantly screamed asking him to slow down..he tried doing it, but due to his speed he was unable to stop the bike .. and it hit the front of my vehicle and the the next thing i knew was , i and my friend were on the ground.. with a vehicle on one side.. all badly bruised..

My BP level rose too many levels high.. and i started screaming in the middle of the road not really taking notice of the crowd that has encircled us(bloody typical Indian useless crowd).. everybody including the driver himself, knew it was his mistake..but he refused to admit it.. i did not leave him there, i continued to verbally abuse him(something which i have never done before in public)and i even pulled his bike and demanded him to pay me compensation for the damage done to the bike.. as usual the bloody f***** male chauvinist pig asked to me go to hell and challenged me to do whatever i want and walked off as if nothing ever happened..

i looked around and still there was this jobless useless crowd standing around me and gaping at me as though am a gorilla in the zoo.. amongst the crowd most of them were men
( at least thats what they call themselves), what shocked me was there was no single soul to support me in a neighborhood were i have been living for the past 20 years..

I am a person who always believed in women's power and never accepted the so called fact that men are superior to women.. (i still don't agree) i just realized that if i had been a man then things would have been different.. i would have either hit him badly or taken away his keys and walked off till he payed and begged me for pardon.. ( am serious)..just because am a women and because i live in a bloody conservative society i had to keep my fists to myself and walk inside, in fact even the abusive shouting in the road shocked my friend and she considered it as an unwomanly act..

That day i regretted for not learning karate so badly that i wanted to start right away (this time my mum asked me to go to hell)..

I walked back home, half in tears and frustration.. my father promptly gave a "complaint" to the police. its been 2 days and there is no update or any action taken against that guy...

For the first time in my life i regretted being an Indian.. i guess its dam easy in India to even a kill a person in an accident and walk off as an innocent ass hole.. i kept thinking how the same issue would have being handled abroad.. i felt ashamed to be living in a country where the law and order are washed away somewhere down the drainage system...

When i was blowing off my top and reciting the story to my cousin, he "jokingly" asked me to get a licensed Gun and try shooting such people.( i knew the comment was made to cool me down)..i had a good hearty laugh at the time, a moment later i was thinking "God, How am i ever going to survive in such a country for the rest of my life???"

Thank you prayer!

It was a typical hot boiling summer day in Chennai ... i stormed into my home from the scorching sun. i was very tired,extremely hungry, and totally pissed off.. i walked across the hall cursing my college for not being open on the day i wanted to check my results.. i was thoroughly annoyed as i had to go all the way to college in bus,only to know that the college reminded closed that day..

My mom who was a bit relived that i would not be coming back home for the next one hour and was lazily chatting with the house maid,she was startled to see me an hour early and all hungry and on the verge of tears..she started to quicken the process of cooking...after what seem like just a few seconds..she was in my room with food all ready...still my mood did not change...i grabbed the plate and started attacking the food..

When my stomach stopped growling and was nearly half filled, a thought struck me.. have i ever been able to control my hunger? have i ever been able to control my temper when my stomach starts throwing tantrums..Then how do people in Africa,supposedly to be the most poverty stricken country bear all this?how do they continue to live when they are denied the most basic amenities of life like food, water, and shelter.. how much they would long to get what i have now...i mean even at least the half of it...

All of a sudden guilt overwhelmed me, i put my plate aside and washed hands.at that moment i thanked God for giving me wonderful parents, a beautiful home, and almost everything a person would wish for..

I prayed for those deprived people and promised i would do everything i can in future for the cause of such people and try to make their life a little easier..

As these thoughts were still running in my head,my mom popped in and said "have u finished eating!!!you had very little, you would be hungry later", i smiled and thought "i probably had much more than i should have had"..

The Moonlit Beach..

As i walked in the vast expanse of what felt like a never-ending beach..my feet experiencing the hotness of the sand,with music playing in my ipod, and with the chattering of my sister and her friend in the back ground ,i lost myself in thought..

My thoughts went through the same few questions which i keep asking myself as to "why such a thing happened", "why did this not happen","what would have happened if things have gone in a particular way",etc ..the answer to which i knew did not exist..even though my mind tells me "it had to happen that way so it did", my heart still keeps searching for answers.. thats when i understood that "The logic of the heart is absurd."..

People around me are talking,i can hear the sounds of the waves as we are near the beach,but my heart and thoughts are alien to whatever is happening around me..questions,wondering 's,anger,possibilities,what if - thoughts, keeps going in my head in a vicious circle.

Something cold and smoothing touched my feet,i looked down and realized that we have finally reached the sea after what seemed like an eternity,and it was the cold waves which was caressing me.

For the first time ,i looked up and saw what was happening around me. still my sister and her friend and their blah blah was invisible.. what caught my eye amazed me,made me stand still and wonder if anything else could be much more beautiful,made me forget all the emotional trauma i was going through,and put me in a confusion as to where i was and with whom,it was nothing else but the full yellow moon showcasing its beauty on the even more beautiful sea.. the reflection on the sea water was so perfect and so full of compassion.

The sight gave me immense joy,a huge ray of hope,a feeling which rightly cannot be put in words.That moment something inside my heart said

"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known,so just wait and watch."

i was so jubilant as if i have attained everlasting peace and actually forgetting the fact that only few seconds ago i was grumbling in frustration.

At that precise moment the words of "Christian Nestell Bovee"-popped to my mind which goes like..

"When all else is lost, the future still remains."

Thanks to my companions who left me totally undisturbed and letting me enjoy those few minutes which made a difference in the way i see things in life.after few murmurings from my sister about its time to go back, i rose to leave,and made a deal with God nature that " i would come back again on few occasions with such pessimistic, never ending vicious circle of crappy thoughts,but i expect the same kind of gratifying experience i had today,as if nodding in agreement, a cool breeze blow my way taking away the last few wrinkled lines off my forehead ..

RAINBOW

hey this piece of writing is totally dedicated to my college buddies who has borne with me silently for the past three years..we named ourselves " THE RAINBOW" ...we decided this name as we are seven in number..

Initially we were in different groups..and after almost a month of the reopening of college,we got to know each other and thus started the journey of fun and friendship. we are seven different people with seven different lifestyles,attitudes,thinking,taste etc..but yes we did jell on pretty well..

To give a brief introduction of all the people...

Niru (Me) - non stop nonsense,spends most of the time in loo(according to my friends..plsss dont believe)loves music,reacts late to things,needs things to be repeated a zillion times before understanding the hang of it ...

Janani - a patient girl with lots of love for her family, ultimate mokkai at times, pretends as though she never got a mokkai just after receiving one and continues with her story ,a very appointed gal ( courtesy - miss.janani)..lolz...

Preethi - a girl with a lot of capabilities to handle big responsibilities,loves to give lots of mokkai's to people whenever possible,introvert in many ways, extrovert in a lot other ways,rarely gets the enthusiasm like that of a child and acts crazy...lolzz..(remember: the jalsa song )...

Lavanya - a yap yappy girl, just like me ...can start talking easily but finds it extremely difficult to stop,loves vetti and mokkai talk, talks in english when she gets angry...lolz..always the first one to make up after a fight....

Saranya - extremely committed and loyal to few things in life,gives a lot and expects the same amount of stuff from others,moody,loves to kalaichuphy people at the right moment not missing a beat...

Kp - sweet loving,carefree girl,loves to be in the lime light,amazing dancer,emotional,up coming star...lolzzzzzz.....acts like a kid most of the times,one of those lucky people who gets marks without hardly touching the book (of course with a little help from kanmani....lolz..), and runs at the word of "project"..lolz..

Swarna - calm and composed girl, rarely shows her emotions..a silent killer i mean she is a girl of few words but kills people by talking at the right moment at the right time and says something which can never be forgot by the other person on whom she comments..lolzz..,she keeps the phone when someone talks in english.

so now i guess the introduction would have shown a clear picture of how the people in the "RAINBOW" are like.

Three years have flown too too fast..It still feels like the first day when i felt all alone after DJ left..but things worked out better than i expected and i had the most amazing few years with you guys..

i can never forget the vetti talk sessions during the market research periods,the innumerable plans we make in order to make one single outing successful,the serious bingo games played during the SDM presentations,the large number of so called model poses given at various occasions,unsuccessful group study sessions,the famous flicking of items in the name of SAMI PEN,PAPER,etc...lolzz..,the adithadi sandai for booking people to drive each others bikes,the late talk sessions at the parking lot,the begging and pleading to make people coordinate for a outing,all of us talking at the same time in a conference call ultimately creating a ciaos and noise pollution,the little pangs of "J Factor" that we get when someone tends to get a bit close with others,the imaginary figures we assume to be stored in the "FUND" which in most cases does not hold more than 200 bucks ... i can keep on mentioning....

we have had our share of fights,arguments,tears,agony,misunderstandings,dissatisfaction,etc..but all those things looks so silly and small now...the small little incidents that has happened between us taught me so many things which i can never forget for a lifetime..

Thus to sum up and end my longggggggggg essay..... i would like to say that you guys rock and each one of you is special in your own way to me...plsssssss keep in touch...thanks for being with me and sharing the most cherished moments of my life..love you loads... :-)

My First Step All Alone!!

I guess its been really long since i blogged...where is the time between hectic schedules like eating, sleeping etc .....tooooooooo tiring....lolz...jokes apart...i have been wanting to blog for a long time, but hardly had a minute or mood to think about it..

So now the mood is all set, and the thoughts flow is at the right level to pour out...so here it comes.......

I was pretty happy when i got the first call letter to attend an interview at ICFAI in Hyderabad for a MBA seat..

So off i went all alone for the first time with a lot of apprehensiveness,insecurity,tension, happiness...etc etc...you can add a whole lot of emotional crap to this list..
I was at first too scared at the thought of managing myself the whole day..now i understand how freaked out my mom would have been while bring me up.....lolzzz...all

I was concerned about not trying to act stupid and end up looking like a fool at any circumstances..(which i am very capable of)...lolzz...

One look at the girls and guys who were my co-candidates freaked me to noo ends .most of them had turned up with either one of their parents..and i was all alone and felt too small and little amongst them..almost like a school kid waiting behind the big bullies for a chance to get the audition..

Of course they were a few good souls who were sweet enough and made friends with me and stayed with me throughout the day in spite of my mokka and vetti talk...lolz..
we formed a group of 5 people..amongst them i was the only girl and the only non hindi speaking human...that day i realized three things

1)to learn hindi (if i have to survive in Hyderabad /Bangalore)

2)how irritating it is when people walk straight to you and start talking in the language you hardly understand as if the world is filled only with people knowing that one language...

3)how ridiculous it is to hear people talk english as hindi,tamil,gujarati,or marati...

It was one big agonizing day ...the process took the whole of the day from morning 6.30 to night 9.00...the first part was good as i was with my acquaintance...second part was bad as i had to go through all crappy procedures like giving a presentation, waiting for like three hours before the interview..only to be ended up with finance based questions posed by the interviewer...(exact contrast to my marketing background)...and the third part was a mixture of stuff like..happiness,a bit of disappointment,tooo much of exhaustion etc...wherein i had to wait for my results for like a eternity...

I got through IBS bangalore...which is a pretty decent campus, but i actually wanted to get into either Bombay or gurgoen...but i had no regrets ..whatsoever..at the end of the day..all i wanted was good food and a soft bed..but i got more than that..i had the opportunity to meet nice people,had a chance to improve my socializing skills, and yeah the best part...got a shot of vodka from my uncle as a reward for going through the tough day all alone..(it was actually to knock me down,as i would not just stop talking about what happened the whole day)....lolzzzzzzzzzz....;-)

Bombay Trip!

I was extremely excited when my parents decided to take a week off and attend my uncle's 60 th birthday celebrations and i was on cloud 9 when i heard my brother was coming back home for a short visit and would be able to spend a week with us in bombay. i had the most amazing one week which turned out to be a welcome relief for me from a hectic and tight schedule.

so off i went with a big dreamy smile thinking all about the fun we would have and without the slightest guilt of leftover submissions and a big list of things to do.

when we reached bombay, to my surprise my cousins vijay and kartic had also turned up for the function, i instantly knew the party was gonna rock and that we would surely have a awesome time..
though we did not have much time , we visited the gate way of India and the marine drive.. which was totally cool...and yeah we had gone to shiradi sai baba temple which was some 3 hrs drive from thane....

The party took place at a open resort uphill ,which literally felt like a forest.the night was dam cold and breezy.

At the party,i was for the first time treated as a grown up lady and was offered vodka which i took without much fuss :-)

It was really after a long time that all of us( cousins) were together so it felt so good and nice.we all turned crazy and partied hard till midnight, then stayed up late chit chatting,seeing photos and videos.

During that one week we made it a point to eat as many vada pavs,pani puri, and bhel puri's as possible and as if we would never see food for a entire lifetime.

Remembering the fun we had makes me wonder if we would be able to gather in such a large no and have so much fun ever again.

Totally to sum up, it was a great amazing week , something which i can never forget..dunno how much it meant to my other cousins, but it meant a lot to me..

Saying bye to everybody and especially to my brother was pretty difficult.

While i was just dreaming how great it would be if all of us can stay in the same place and same way forever without no commitments,no deadlines , no project submissions, my cell phone rang bringing me back to reality and plunging meanly into my fantasy world!!