To the unknown, but known !

Dear Unknown but known ,

I won’t start the letter by asking who you are? Because I already feel I know who you are, even though I have never set my eyes on you and never spoken to you. If I say I don’t know who you are, it almost means I don’t know who I am. I do know me and my choices.

But  I do want to know, when you will get here, because it’s not fun going out to meet people hoping it’s you and then finding it is not. Not everyone can be YOU, but people around me don’t get that.  Knowing to some extent, how you will turn out to be has given me many titles - “Choosy”, “Immature”, and “Inflexible”. I wonder, since when did knowing exactly what you want make you immature and choosy?? Knowing what you want has become scarier than not knowing what you want.

 I wonder why society wants to beat down a person to not believe in something, they have absolute faith in? Is it because, they were never given a choice to follow their dreams? Or is it because they do not want others to fight the fear which they were unable to and eventually succumb to fate just like them? Why do people think its humbug to give themselves a chance to find that one person out of the 7.5 Billion population with amazing compatibility but on the other hand, feel it is a brilliant idea to forcefully change their personality to suit the person who fate bought in?

I don’t expect you to be perfect, I don’t expect a 100% on every point on my wish list. No one is perfect and you must know, perfection kind of irritates me. Beneath every perfect person, there is a little bit of artificiality, a feeling of forceful self-restraint, lack of ability to let their hair down and just have fun, a constant desire to impress people.  It basically means there is no scope for variety in life, no chances of learning from mistake, no mad dog fights, zero tolerance to changes. Lack of these things makes life dull and boring. I like imperfections, as it makes us who we are and there is no sweeter joy than being accepted for whom you are. Having said this, imperfections are not easy to deal with. I will learn to live with yours, just like how you would tolerate mine.

I think I will know you, when I see you. It might not be love at first sight, but I will know. For the many dupes of YOU, who I have met, I have gone on talking as if there would be no tomorrow, only to fill in the weird silence. But when I meet you, I would be stumped into silence and it would be the kind of silence that is comfortable. There would be butterflies; there would be sudden influx of excitement, I would be tongue tied (which is unlike me) and would end up listening more than speaking (extremely unlike me).But this is exactly how I think things would turn up when I meet the “REAL YOU”.      

I hope you are prepared, for I will push you hard with unconventional details of me ( Yes, I like my beer once in a while, I have more men friends than women, I don’t think sharing household work will make you any less of a guy, I don’t believe doing heavy dead-lifts and push-ups will make me any less of a women and might challenge you sometime, I won’t go around dressing myself in  pink and I don’t definitely think it’s cute,  I don’t think freedom can be given, if you ever say to me “ you have the freedom to …. That will probably be the last sentence you spoke to me) only to see how far you go and how much you are willing to fight back and stay.

Don’t let me come and find you, because as luck would have it, I have seen it to only push you further away and have made me question my own conviction of your existence. Come and find me, I promise it will be worth the effort.

I know you are not just a figment of my imagination; well you are that, but you are also the complete manifestation of my faith and hopes that I have on myself. Give me a chance to prove everyone wrong, more importantly to myself because am close to giving up sometimes. I promise you, am not far away, all you have to do is have faith, open your heart and look, and you will find me right around the corner. 

Yours , 

Girl around the corner

[P.S: This post is written for "Write a love letter" campaign  by Chennai Bloggers Club www.chennaibloggersclub.in]

Date the guy who loves music !!

Date a guy who loves music. The kind who understands when you say “Music is the best thing, that happened to me in life” and does not give you a weird once over. Date a guy who loves music, because he understands your obsession to loop a song and puts up until the phase is over. He is the guy who knows, a single line; a sing phrase can make you fall in love with a song and won’t judge you.

He is the guy who understands that you get goosebumps and all teary eyed just after listening to your favorite number.

Find the guy, who understands that sharing music brings joy to you and religiously listens to the ones that you suggest. He is the guy who exactly knows the kind of music you love, and takes all the effort to make sure you listen to the right ones. Be with the guy who understands that sometimes you completely loathe your playlist and willingly offers his Ipod with brand new rejuvenating numbers.

Date the guy, who knows to leave you all alone, when you are in serenity and completely lost in the waves of blissful melody. He is the guy who knows that music can nurse your wounded heart and also put you on a happy high.

Date the guy, who knows that music always puts you in a better mood and attempts to sing your favorite number in the most hideous manner just to make you laugh and makeup the fight.

Find the guy who knows that one of the best ways to wake you up is with music and plugs in the ipod to gently stir you out of your slumber.  He is the guy who loves to sit in complete darkness and listen to music in silence but together.  He is the guy who gets equally drunk in the high and low notes of a song and has a hard time getting a song out of his head.

Find the guy, who patiently helps you to find the first line of the song that you have seemed to have forgotten but can’t help humming all day long. He is the guy, who understands your frustration when you sometimes can’t seem to outline or give a form to the song which has been running constantly in your head and has come very close to your throat but never beyond that !

Marry the guy, who knows that life would be a mistake without YOU and MUSIC in it !! 

Post courtesy: Chandrasekar - You inspire me to write.. Thank you :) 

Serenity

This post is part of The Chennai Bloggers Club's Serene Sunday series initiated to keep the spirit of blogging alive and challenging.

 I sat with my eyes closed , In front of the vast never ending mass of blue and green sea listening to the track - “Padmavathi” from the album – “Into the light”. I could mentally see the rhythmic movement of the waves. I could feel being swept away by high/low notes and visualize myself floating in the sea with extreme ease and tranquility .I went with the flow, never wanting the ride to end. There were moments of dull notes which lasted only for couple of seconds and were soon replaced by high energetic notes. Just like how life has unpredictable things thrown at you, this song had mixed varieties of feel put together. Mind went through a zillion emotions, which is extremely difficult to decipher. The chillness in the air with the little dew drops of rain made the whole 6.18 minutes of the journey blissful. The song ended and I opened my eyes, a wave of calmness gulf-ed me. I found myself back on land firmly grounded, slightly spent from exertion of going through many emotions and wanting to return back to the sojourn of heaven! 

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/24473721/Padmavathi.mp3 

P.S: I strongly recommend listening to the track in the above mentioned link to relate better with the article :) 

 

The Light beyond the Darkness

Sitting in the freezing cold balcony, I stared into the dark night sky which was filled by bright little stars forming a beautiful pattern.  I wondered what could possibly lie beyond.  Is there another universe? Are there any signs of existence of life? Where does the sky end or if it has an ending at all. The fact that I did not know the answers to so many questions made me feel uneasy and unhappy. Maybe that’s the kind of feeling experienced by freaks (like me) who cannot stand uncertainties in life! I suddenly wanted the dawn to come sooner so that I can see better and try to figure things out. I knew that no amount of staring at the skies would make me know the mysteries that lay behind, nevertheless I continued. After a little while, I decided to give up the stupidity and walked back into the living room before I froze to death.

That’s when it struck me that there are a lot of things in life that one theoretically understands the impracticality of it happening but fails to believe the same. Trying to foresee life is one such thing .One needs to wait it out. One needs to understand that the universe works in its own pace and delivers things to you only when the time is right. No matter how adamant, angry, desperate you get, preceding events of your life is closed with a dark colored blanket just like the night sky and as time goes by you would get just enough light to lead the way and go in the right direction so that you ultimately witness the shinning sun in all its glory!  

Happiness as we know it

I drove my old battered scooty pep way back home, after one of those days, you know for sure could have not ended better. With music playing in my ipod, I could feel the rush in my head as I thought about the resignation letter which I handed over earlier that day, the offer letter which I had received from a good company a few days ago, the new vehicle which I had booked with my very own money. Life had the best things to offer me at that very moment. Just the thought of not having to work at that lousy office anymore made me squeal in happiness and I had a smile to offer to everyone.

Suddenly the world seemed to be a better place to live in. Rash drivers and careless pedestrians were blessed not to hear my curse as they were taken in a stride. As I made my way towards nungambakkam , traffic was lighter than usual. At the signal, I stopped the bike and changed the song to a peppy upbeat number to suit my mood.

I noticed a small little girl about the age of 5 begging on the road beside the pavement along with her brother, who looked like he was 8. The kid was so was about 2 feet tall and had to hold her brothers hand for support to climb the pavement. My heart instantly went out for the small kid. There was something so cute about her that I could not tear my eyes away. The two kids approached the auto which was beside me and the driver decided to play God that day and harshly turned them away ,not before giving the boy a tight slap and sharing his words of wisdom “ Go and earn , stop begging”. Instantly I imagined slapping that guy and saying “Stop stealing people’s money in the name of petrol hike and pls oh pls stop acting like a smartass”.

All of a sudden the little girl locked eyes with me and gave me a charming smile. I knew I would be their next target. The autowala seeing this, resumed his God’s role and said to me “Don’t encourage these kids; they have to earn for their living”. While I mentally radioed him back by saying, “F*&%^ these kids are 5 and 8, what bloody earn?”

As they approached, I took my purse out, handed a few coins to the girl and touched her cheek. She closed her eyes, pressed the coins against her cheeks, felt the coolness against her skin and smiled.
The joy which was seen in her face is unexplainable. Her proud brother gave her a tight hug and took the money from her and carefully pocketed it and gave her a coin to play with.

The signal turned green and vehicles started moving, the small boy again held the girl’s hand, crossed the road and moved away.
As I sped away seeing their little figures disappear in distance, all I could think of was “how happiness defines itself to each one of us in different ways”!!

If Only ...

How I wish I was back in my mom’s arm, cuddled, kissed, pampered, and fed, while I enjoyed the peace and tranquility of the world. It’s hard to believe I lived in a world where I was not questioned for my silliness, where no one expected me to take responsibility for the things I did, where I could make all the mistakes in the world and still make up for it with an innocent sweet smile and a wet kiss, where I can eat all the candies I want and not bother about putting on weight, scream, shout, dance whenever and wherever I like, without having the slightest thought of being judged.

How I wish I was back to the age when top priority of the day was to win in the board game called “LIFE”. It was a time when a silly fight with best friend meant end of the world, a trip to beach coupled with a ice cream treat was considered “lucky” , holidays granted on account of heavy rain meant shedding uniforms in a jiff and rushing back to bed , sickness meant highest possible level of pampering and bowls of hot soup ,fighting with siblings meant bravery, mild tiff with parents meant loads of hugs and kisses later, family functions meant turning the home upside down, getting reports cards signed meant worst few minutes of life, visiting relatives place for a vacation meant luxury, relatives visiting us meant best dress, best behavior, and best kid ever kind of act, diwali’s meant tuff competition between neighbors as to who would first burst the crackers, a trip to super market meant loading the trolley with chocolates and all goodies, apology meant saying “sorry” in a sing song tone while having the expression of cutest puppy ever alive, fast bike drives with big brothers meant 2 hours of bragging session the next day at school, annul day functions meant cutting a lot of classes in the name of “practice” ,parents teachers day meant sleepless night the day before, reading comics meant losing one self so much in the story that one does not keep count of the no of cups of snacks eaten during the process.

How I wish I was back to the age where pain of any sort lasted only for couple of hours, when words like “dishonesty, cheating,” never existed in dictionary but just in games, when everybody and everything was lovely, fair and good.
If ever my wish was granted and am taken back to that age, I shall gladly start over, not bothering about having to go through all the pain of growing up again, for every moment is worth the deal.

Unsaid Love

Naveen tried to concentrate on packing... His mind kept drifting back to the one single thing, that has been possessing him for the past 1 year. The single factor which was now forcing him to leave the county. Scenes kept playing at the back of his mind, as if the replay button was involuntarily switched on… he gave up, and sat on the bed covering his face …the current scene was their first time meeting ,she was looking nothing less of an angel … In a black salwar ,paired up with cute silver kundan ear rings, she was a treat to eyes ! Very elegant and yet so traditional .what actually caught his attention were the almond shaped eyes sparkling with fun and mischief! How he wished, he had seen this little angel years back! While he was still wishing, she approached him and asked softly, “can you please tell me which way is the canteen”? The rest of the incidents as to how they became best friends were a blur...or one can call it a blissful blur!

After exactly 10 months, he saw the same beautiful eyes filled confusion, pain, fear, and uncertainty when he proposed to her. naveen was so sure and confident that he would go back home as a happy man winning a definite yes from his beloved laskhya .Till today he did not know the reason as to why she politely denied the proposal (with tears in her eyes ). He could not imagine life without her , as she was everything he wanted, gregarious , fun loving , social, cutely irritating ,extremely caring, flatteringly independent, sensible yet childish . How could he lose her, when he knew he was meant to spent the rest of his life with her and no one else can keep her as happy as he can ?He kept wondering what went wrong and where ?

From the very next day onwards, he could see her totally unhappy, as though something heavy had been placed in her heart. Naveen felt so guilty about making her feel this way , that he decided in a span of 2 months to accept a On- sight offer which was already 6 months due for his acceptance .
This was the toughest decision he had made so far and he knew that execution was going to be even more difficult. But he knew, he had to do it. He could not bear to eye her guilt filled eyes every time they met.

He hoped to see her at least one last time before he left to the US, but she had not even attended the bon voyage party that his friends threw him.
As these thoughts were still gulping him in waves of sorrow, when naveen’s mother entered his room and informed him to be ready within an hour as the cab would arrive on time. On seeing him so grief stricken, she asked lovingly if everything was alright, he could only nod in reply!

He knew very little time was left, for his life to completely turnaround .As minutes tricked by , all kinds of weird images crossed his mind… laskhya getting married to someone else, she having a baby and naming the baby after him, it was truly unbearable for him and he felt like screaming at the top of his lungs.

He mustered all the strength not to cry, and finished his packing and headed to airport.

Trolleys were loaded, hugs were exchanged, sweet advises were given, flight announcements were made, the only thing he had to do was LEAVE. When he was just about to wheel away his trolley towards the departure lounge, he felt as though he saw her at a distance. He was sure he had imagined it and turned to give his mother one last hug.. When he turned back to his trolley, he could very well see her right before his eyes… he kept staring a whole min, wondering if he was imagining things or if she was actually there! He feared clarifying his doubt to people around, for they might say it was his IMAGINATION! He kept standing there, as the figure moved closer to him, all he could see at this point of time was only her eye that was filled with love, affection, and fear. He desperately hoped this was all true and not illusion, for he knew he was very capable of going lunatic at that point of time .No words were spoken. The air was still, everything became silent around him. He could only see her eyes moving closer and closer in his direction. After what seemed like an hour, he opened his arms wide and like a reflex action, she ran into his arms and buried her face in his neck and tightly held him, as if never wanting to leave him again! He gently stoked her hair, there was still silence around him and all he could hear was her sobbing quietly and saying sorry over and above again! He felt like every little thing was back in its place. Now the scenes in his mind showed a completely different picture of them getting married and living happily ever after!